In the Wood, by Tana French

(I actually handwrote this last night, because I wasn’t near a computer and I wanted to get this down IMMEDIATELY)

I am horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, HORRIBLY disappointed in this book. To hint at something, with the dreams, and everyone’s weird “hallucinations” in the wood, and the very slow recovering of the stupid memories that all seemed to be leading up to something…..all of it was fucking pointless. It was a total waste of my time. I read this as quickly as possible, skimming over the numerous passages detailing Ryan’s total inadequacy as a detective, flipping through page after page, because I wanted to know ONE THING: where are they??

The book hinted that the question would go unanswered, but I though NO! They are just trying to divert you, to confuse you, so where it’s all revealed you’ll be MORE SHOCKED THAN YOU THOUGHT POSSIBLE!!!!!111!!!(one)!!!

Back to Ryan’s incompetence: dude, I did not need you to keep pointing out all the mistakes you made, okay? I totally called them all on my own. You could have saved a hundred or so pages. Also, do not fucking insult my intelligence you alcoholic whack-job! On page 409: “But before you decide to despise me too thoroughly, consider this: she fooled you, too.”

NOT. FOR. A. SECOND.

I knew something was wrong immediately, and I can’t even tell you how. As soon as she spoke, I gave her a quiet, little-girl voice (obviously faked) with a holier-than-thou attitude.

I wonder, was it on purpose? Did your author plan it that way, to make it so obvious to everyone else? Was this supposed to be part of the “plot twists and turns to bamboozle even the most astute reader”? (That was a line from a book review printed on the back jacket.)

Or, did French really think we’d be too distracted by Ryan’s back-story to catch on to the psychopath?

I have a theory about where the bodies could be, by the way: I think they’re in the tower—the one with the broken stairs but the top is still intact. I read through that boring bit of archeological crap rather quickly, so for all I know the book said it was in fact being torn down, or it mentioned, in passing, someone bothering to climb up and have a look, but my short and spotty memory says no, it was never mentioned. And I’m kinda sure they were going to leave the tower, for historical reasons. Ryan’s such a shitty detective it’ll never occur to him to look though, and he’s so mentally weak if he did look and did find them, he’d probably totally lose his shit.